I'm getting dangerous today. I'm blogging without writing it out on my fancy-dancy columnar pad first. LIVIN' ON THE EDGE, MAN. LIVIN' ON DA EDGE>>>
Those are capitalized periods, in case you were wondering.
If it seems I'm a little crazy, it's because I am. I have reached that zen point, where all the chaos and anxiety in my life has collapsed into a black hole of emotion and has left me with a deadly calm. I am floating on the breeze, tip-toeing along the blade's edge, all whilst staring intensely into the blank space just behind my eyeballs.
More on this at 10. BACK TO YOU BARBARA.
EDIT: Hmm, that's really not much of a blog post at all. Here are some fun things to look at!
http://www.buttercupfestival.com/
http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/
http://www.27bslash6.com/strata.html
http://xkcd.com/
http://biblecampbloodbath.blogspot.com/2010/11/chapter-1.html
I take no responsibility for anything ever. There. That's a proper disclaimer.
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Locked Out
I have experienced something horrible and scary.
Loss of identity.
No, I have not been victim to identity theft or anything quite as serious as that, but I have had a part of me taken away by force. Yesterday morning, I tried to log in to Facebook and was greeted by a page informing me that my account was deactivated. Because, "Impersonating anyone or anything is prohibited." And I must authenticate my account in order to reactivate it.
Hold the fucking phone.
I have done absolutely nothing to ever indicate that my account is fake. Obviously, because it's not. I have dozens of blog posts, hundreds of photos of myself, countless twitter and status updates, NOT TO MENTION all of my real life friends with whom I communicate on a daily basis. This is absolutley RIDICULOUS. I can't possibly describe how upset I am and how violated I feel.
Maybe it seems like I'm being overdramatic. But don't try to tell me I'm making mountains out of mole hills. My Facebook account is an integral part of my online identity. It is the core of my virtual persona. Above and beyone any username on any other site, my Facebook profile is the internet me. Having that ripped out from under me is mentally excruciating.
It's like coming home after a long day at work and finding that some stranger changed the locks on all of the doors. I've lived here for years and suddenly I need to validate my ownership? I'm supposed to fish out government-issued IDs, bend over backwards, and then wait while you let min into my own goddamn house in your own sweet time? Bullshit.
My fiance, paragon of logic that he is, tells me that if I'm that upset over this, I should just stop using Facebook. If I don't agree with how they run the site I am free to take my "business" elsewhere. Protest by action, not words. Yes, that is a valid point, but honestly, I can't. Like I said before, my Facebook profile is the essence of my virtual identity. Perhaps if I were a more casual user, I would just shut it down and walk away non the worse. But for me, my online life is as important (if not more so) than my physical existance.
This whole ordeal leaves me with a nasty taste in my mouth and a deep-seated feeling of disgust. The worst of it is that I'm powerless to do anything about it because I won't leave the site. All I can do is play by the rules of the system, no matter how unfair that might be.
I suppose life isn't fair, online or off.
Loss of identity.
No, I have not been victim to identity theft or anything quite as serious as that, but I have had a part of me taken away by force. Yesterday morning, I tried to log in to Facebook and was greeted by a page informing me that my account was deactivated. Because, "Impersonating anyone or anything is prohibited." And I must authenticate my account in order to reactivate it.
Hold the fucking phone.
I have done absolutely nothing to ever indicate that my account is fake. Obviously, because it's not. I have dozens of blog posts, hundreds of photos of myself, countless twitter and status updates, NOT TO MENTION all of my real life friends with whom I communicate on a daily basis. This is absolutley RIDICULOUS. I can't possibly describe how upset I am and how violated I feel.
Maybe it seems like I'm being overdramatic. But don't try to tell me I'm making mountains out of mole hills. My Facebook account is an integral part of my online identity. It is the core of my virtual persona. Above and beyone any username on any other site, my Facebook profile is the internet me. Having that ripped out from under me is mentally excruciating.
It's like coming home after a long day at work and finding that some stranger changed the locks on all of the doors. I've lived here for years and suddenly I need to validate my ownership? I'm supposed to fish out government-issued IDs, bend over backwards, and then wait while you let min into my own goddamn house in your own sweet time? Bullshit.
My fiance, paragon of logic that he is, tells me that if I'm that upset over this, I should just stop using Facebook. If I don't agree with how they run the site I am free to take my "business" elsewhere. Protest by action, not words. Yes, that is a valid point, but honestly, I can't. Like I said before, my Facebook profile is the essence of my virtual identity. Perhaps if I were a more casual user, I would just shut it down and walk away non the worse. But for me, my online life is as important (if not more so) than my physical existance.
This whole ordeal leaves me with a nasty taste in my mouth and a deep-seated feeling of disgust. The worst of it is that I'm powerless to do anything about it because I won't leave the site. All I can do is play by the rules of the system, no matter how unfair that might be.
I suppose life isn't fair, online or off.
Thursday, November 11, 2010
Professionalism
Surprisingly, I will not be talking about NaNoWriMo today. There is another topic I want to address.
Lately, there have been some issues in my place of work. And not minor issues, either; we've had some pretty serious breaches of protocol. It has been weighing on my mind heavily for the past couple weeks. What this all really has me thinking about is this:
What has happened to professionalism?
Most likely, my experience is an anomaly. Obviously, I don't know what it is like in other companies. I couldn't possibly generalize and say that this is a wide-spread problem throughout the national workforce, not with a conscious and an obligation to accuracy. However. Anecdotal evidence from my peers leads me to believe that this is a growing trend, at least amongst my age group. Maybe not even a growing trend; perhaps this has been plaguing my generation for a while and I'm only just now noticing it. Either way, it is very disconcerting. I am seriously concerned about the future of our businesses, especially how they relate to the global market.
The biggest problem I've seen is an inability to separate personal relationships from professional relationships; personal life from professional life. Now, I know that the ol' "leave your emotions at the door" mantra isn't realistic. I can say from personal experience that it is unreasonable to expect any employee to be able to turn off their feelings until their shift is over. It's a nice idea, but completely unrealistic.
That's not to say that is is impossible to compartmentalize to some degree. A criticism of work performance is not a personal attack. Informing an employee that they need to change the way they do their assigned duties or improve their work performance in some way is NOT the same as saying "You suck, you are stupid, you are a bad person, nobody likes you." For WHATEVER reason, some people seem to get these confused. Which is RIDICULOUS. Pitching a fit and causing an uproar about something like that is unprofessional and, honestly, it's pathetic. It goes back tot he selfishness of childhood. Throwing a tantrum over legitimate criticism from a superior is a quick way to tell your employer that you don't really want your job.
At least, it should be. Sadly, it seems to me (and yes, I realize that putting this online and attaching my name to it could jeopardize my own professional standing), that in the company I work for there is a tendency to cater to the tantrum-thrower rather than back up the policy-enforcer they are throwing the tantrum over.
I have witnessed blatant disrespect for management, disregard for company policy, and (worst of all) the highest levels of authority turning a blind eye to it rather than instating disciplinary actions. The form of discipline preferred by upper-management is passive-aggressive pressuring and needling in order to try to get the errant employee to quit. I am dumbfounded by the absolute black hole of professionalism here. And I am not afraid to say this out loud, since I know that even if one of my superiors saw this and actually said something about it to me, at worst it would be a slap on the wrist. What I'm doing here isn't very professional either. In fact, I would say it borders on disrespect for the company and for the people who run it. I would LOVE it if they made an example of me. At least then they would be proving me wrong.
I am not just ranting into the nether here. This is a subject I have brought up to my coworkers and to upper-management. The response? Avoidance. I have been brushed off more times than I can count. In the business world there IS going to be confrontation. That is inevitable. A business cannot be run by people who are utterly avoidant of confrontation. It is something that needs to be dealt with, swift and decisively.
Yet, this really accomplishes nothing. My writing, that is. Because things will continue on they way they are no matter what I say here and they will continue on after I have moved on in my career. I know I have painted an unflattering picture here. The people I work for are good people, and regardless of how deteriorated the employee/employer interactions may be, we do a good job and serve our clients above and beyond what would be expected. Fortunately, the internal problems we have do not impact the quality of our care to a large degree.
It does impact my opinion of the company and the people I work with, though. And I have to say, right now I am not very impressed. All I can do is keep doing my job well and try to lead by setting a good example. Who knows? Maybe if I keep acting in a courteous, mature, and thoughtful manner befitting of my job title, perhaps others will follow suit. Either way, five years from now I know that I will have moved on to my chosen career of accounting and it will be an issue for someone else to deal with.
Let's just try to keep things professional here.
Lately, there have been some issues in my place of work. And not minor issues, either; we've had some pretty serious breaches of protocol. It has been weighing on my mind heavily for the past couple weeks. What this all really has me thinking about is this:
What has happened to professionalism?
Most likely, my experience is an anomaly. Obviously, I don't know what it is like in other companies. I couldn't possibly generalize and say that this is a wide-spread problem throughout the national workforce, not with a conscious and an obligation to accuracy. However. Anecdotal evidence from my peers leads me to believe that this is a growing trend, at least amongst my age group. Maybe not even a growing trend; perhaps this has been plaguing my generation for a while and I'm only just now noticing it. Either way, it is very disconcerting. I am seriously concerned about the future of our businesses, especially how they relate to the global market.
The biggest problem I've seen is an inability to separate personal relationships from professional relationships; personal life from professional life. Now, I know that the ol' "leave your emotions at the door" mantra isn't realistic. I can say from personal experience that it is unreasonable to expect any employee to be able to turn off their feelings until their shift is over. It's a nice idea, but completely unrealistic.
That's not to say that is is impossible to compartmentalize to some degree. A criticism of work performance is not a personal attack. Informing an employee that they need to change the way they do their assigned duties or improve their work performance in some way is NOT the same as saying "You suck, you are stupid, you are a bad person, nobody likes you." For WHATEVER reason, some people seem to get these confused. Which is RIDICULOUS. Pitching a fit and causing an uproar about something like that is unprofessional and, honestly, it's pathetic. It goes back tot he selfishness of childhood. Throwing a tantrum over legitimate criticism from a superior is a quick way to tell your employer that you don't really want your job.
At least, it should be. Sadly, it seems to me (and yes, I realize that putting this online and attaching my name to it could jeopardize my own professional standing), that in the company I work for there is a tendency to cater to the tantrum-thrower rather than back up the policy-enforcer they are throwing the tantrum over.
I have witnessed blatant disrespect for management, disregard for company policy, and (worst of all) the highest levels of authority turning a blind eye to it rather than instating disciplinary actions. The form of discipline preferred by upper-management is passive-aggressive pressuring and needling in order to try to get the errant employee to quit. I am dumbfounded by the absolute black hole of professionalism here. And I am not afraid to say this out loud, since I know that even if one of my superiors saw this and actually said something about it to me, at worst it would be a slap on the wrist. What I'm doing here isn't very professional either. In fact, I would say it borders on disrespect for the company and for the people who run it. I would LOVE it if they made an example of me. At least then they would be proving me wrong.
I am not just ranting into the nether here. This is a subject I have brought up to my coworkers and to upper-management. The response? Avoidance. I have been brushed off more times than I can count. In the business world there IS going to be confrontation. That is inevitable. A business cannot be run by people who are utterly avoidant of confrontation. It is something that needs to be dealt with, swift and decisively.
Yet, this really accomplishes nothing. My writing, that is. Because things will continue on they way they are no matter what I say here and they will continue on after I have moved on in my career. I know I have painted an unflattering picture here. The people I work for are good people, and regardless of how deteriorated the employee/employer interactions may be, we do a good job and serve our clients above and beyond what would be expected. Fortunately, the internal problems we have do not impact the quality of our care to a large degree.
It does impact my opinion of the company and the people I work with, though. And I have to say, right now I am not very impressed. All I can do is keep doing my job well and try to lead by setting a good example. Who knows? Maybe if I keep acting in a courteous, mature, and thoughtful manner befitting of my job title, perhaps others will follow suit. Either way, five years from now I know that I will have moved on to my chosen career of accounting and it will be an issue for someone else to deal with.
Let's just try to keep things professional here.
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Tea Time With Miss Liz
I know I said I wasn't going to be posting very often, but I suppose I'm just unreliable that way. Actually, the thing is that I discovered I love writing on my columnar pad. Makes everything I write look so much cooler. Way better than notebook paper. And I get bored in Accounting I. At least I look like I'm working...
Moving on.
As the days are getting chillier, I'm finally able to enjoy my favorite beverages without bursting into a sweat. I am talking about TEA of course. My favorites are white and green teas, followed by herbal teas, followed by black teas. I tend to brew my black teas a bit weaker and my green teas a touch stronger. I prefer fruit flavored herbals, most of all peach and pomegranate. I love tea.
Thanks to November (yes, I'm going to talk ab out NaNoWriMo again, deal with it) and a general lack of sleep, I've been favoring the more caffeinated black teas for the last few weeks. My current favorite is a spiced apple chai that is absolutely perfect for an early morning drink. If I'm not going to school, then after breakfast I will follow it up with a cup of Darjeeling, which balances out the sweetness of the apple. If I'm going to work in the afternoon, I'll drink earl grey or some spiced chai, both with a little creamer and sugar.
I used to not care for black teas at all, but ever since I learned how to properly prepare it, I've really developed a taste for them. I like to over-steep green tea, but doing that with black tea will make the drink very bitter. I also started using a real tea kettle instead of microwaving the water. It does make a difference in the taste, believe it or not. (I'm not so intense that I use loose tea leaves. I'm writing a novel, I don't have time for luxury. Tea bags are fine for me.) For black tea, bring the water just barely to a boil, remove from heat for a few seconds, then pour over the tea bag. Let steep for no more than 3 to 5 minutes. Squeeze bag to get full flavor and enjoy. I personally don't mind using each bag twice, but I don't mind weak tea.
For green tea, I like the water a little cooler and the tea steeped a little longer (5-6 minutes). Herbal teas fall between the two temperature-wise, but only steeped 3 to 4 minutes. Herbal teas are also the only kind of tea I won't reuse for more than one cup (the bags break too easily).
Well. Now you know all about my tea drinking habits. No doubt it was something you were terribly curious about.
I better quit wasting my time here and get to work on my novel. I'm still thousands of words behind. I'm catching up, though! If I keep plugging away at it like I am, I could be ahead by week three! Fingers crossed!
Look out, November. I am a tea-sipping, word-spouting machine, so get out of my way.
Moving on.
As the days are getting chillier, I'm finally able to enjoy my favorite beverages without bursting into a sweat. I am talking about TEA of course. My favorites are white and green teas, followed by herbal teas, followed by black teas. I tend to brew my black teas a bit weaker and my green teas a touch stronger. I prefer fruit flavored herbals, most of all peach and pomegranate. I love tea.
Thanks to November (yes, I'm going to talk ab out NaNoWriMo again, deal with it) and a general lack of sleep, I've been favoring the more caffeinated black teas for the last few weeks. My current favorite is a spiced apple chai that is absolutely perfect for an early morning drink. If I'm not going to school, then after breakfast I will follow it up with a cup of Darjeeling, which balances out the sweetness of the apple. If I'm going to work in the afternoon, I'll drink earl grey or some spiced chai, both with a little creamer and sugar.
I used to not care for black teas at all, but ever since I learned how to properly prepare it, I've really developed a taste for them. I like to over-steep green tea, but doing that with black tea will make the drink very bitter. I also started using a real tea kettle instead of microwaving the water. It does make a difference in the taste, believe it or not. (I'm not so intense that I use loose tea leaves. I'm writing a novel, I don't have time for luxury. Tea bags are fine for me.) For black tea, bring the water just barely to a boil, remove from heat for a few seconds, then pour over the tea bag. Let steep for no more than 3 to 5 minutes. Squeeze bag to get full flavor and enjoy. I personally don't mind using each bag twice, but I don't mind weak tea.
For green tea, I like the water a little cooler and the tea steeped a little longer (5-6 minutes). Herbal teas fall between the two temperature-wise, but only steeped 3 to 4 minutes. Herbal teas are also the only kind of tea I won't reuse for more than one cup (the bags break too easily).
Well. Now you know all about my tea drinking habits. No doubt it was something you were terribly curious about.
I better quit wasting my time here and get to work on my novel. I'm still thousands of words behind. I'm catching up, though! If I keep plugging away at it like I am, I could be ahead by week three! Fingers crossed!
Look out, November. I am a tea-sipping, word-spouting machine, so get out of my way.
Monday, November 8, 2010
Radio Silence
It's been a while since I've posted anything. I've been pretty exhausted. The first week of November was killer. So much crap went down. I felt like I was barely keeping afloat for a while there, but I already said that in my last (mini) post. I'm WAY behind in my word count for NaNoWriMo (which is why I'll be keeping this short), but I think I can catch up still. I've got school work to worry about, and work-work taking up time, not to mention World of Warcraft...
Gotta prioritize, though.
(As an aside, my tauren druid is now level 42. I'm so excited! That's the highest I've ever gotten! ...uh-oh. I'm gonna have to shell out for Wrath of the Lich King soon, at this rate. And Cataclysm is on the way...gee, I wish I had more money.)
Back to more pressing matters. I.E. NaNo. Oh, it was a rocky start, but now that the boulder is rolling, it's really picking up speed. I think I might just make it this year. Last year, a family crisis destroyed me about half-way through the month and effectively ended NaNoWriMo for me. This year, the same sort of thing threatened, but it's blown over (for the most part). Week One is a wash (4100 out of 11669 words), but all is not yet lost. I'm back on track and my characters are clamoring to be heard. All I need to do now is get out of the way and let the story out.
Well, don't expect much noise outta me for the rest of the month. Between all of my responsibilities and obligations, I barely have time to catch a couple hours of sleep, much less update my blog. But there is a saying that comes to mind at times like this...
(Never mind that I sorta just made it up.)
If you have time to breathe, you have time to write.
Happy noveling, Wrimos.
Gotta prioritize, though.
(As an aside, my tauren druid is now level 42. I'm so excited! That's the highest I've ever gotten! ...uh-oh. I'm gonna have to shell out for Wrath of the Lich King soon, at this rate. And Cataclysm is on the way...gee, I wish I had more money.)
Back to more pressing matters. I.E. NaNo. Oh, it was a rocky start, but now that the boulder is rolling, it's really picking up speed. I think I might just make it this year. Last year, a family crisis destroyed me about half-way through the month and effectively ended NaNoWriMo for me. This year, the same sort of thing threatened, but it's blown over (for the most part). Week One is a wash (4100 out of 11669 words), but all is not yet lost. I'm back on track and my characters are clamoring to be heard. All I need to do now is get out of the way and let the story out.
Well, don't expect much noise outta me for the rest of the month. Between all of my responsibilities and obligations, I barely have time to catch a couple hours of sleep, much less update my blog. But there is a saying that comes to mind at times like this...
(Never mind that I sorta just made it up.)
If you have time to breathe, you have time to write.
Happy noveling, Wrimos.
Thursday, November 4, 2010
Too Tired
The last four-five weeks have been rather hellish for me. I'm feeling overwhelmed and overburdened.
I've spent most nights crying.
I'm just trying to hold out until the end of the week...but that's turning into the end of the month, just another month after that...so on and so forth. I don't want to "just cope." I hate just getting by. I want to enjoy my life again.
I might need to work on setting some boundaries. I'm probably overworking myself. Unfortunately, the only things I can really give up (the activities that aren't unavoidable obligations) are things that I do to relax or have fun. Like WoW. Or sleep. =\
I think I'll be okay. (I hope.) But I still don't know what I'm going to do. I haven't got any idea for solving my problem. I just want to be happy again.
I've spent most nights crying.
I'm just trying to hold out until the end of the week...but that's turning into the end of the month, just another month after that...so on and so forth. I don't want to "just cope." I hate just getting by. I want to enjoy my life again.
I might need to work on setting some boundaries. I'm probably overworking myself. Unfortunately, the only things I can really give up (the activities that aren't unavoidable obligations) are things that I do to relax or have fun. Like WoW. Or sleep. =\
I think I'll be okay. (I hope.) But I still don't know what I'm going to do. I haven't got any idea for solving my problem. I just want to be happy again.
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